FetLife App Review The Dark Side of FetLife Murders

FetLife App Review The Dark Side of FetLife Murders


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As an avid user of social networking websites, I am always interested in exploring new platforms that cater to specific interests and communities. Recently, I came across FetLife, a social network for the BDSM, fetish, and kink community. With over 8 million members, FetLife brands itself as a platform for open-minded individuals to connect, learn, and explore various kinks. However, beyond the promotional material, I wanted to delve deeper to determine if FetLife lives up to its promise of being a safe space for its users. Through creating a profile, interacting with other members, and analyzing online reviews, I uncovered some disturbing experiences that call into question the ethics and security of this network. My FetLife review explores the truth behind this supposedly open and accepting community.

FetLife App Review

What Is FetLife? A Review of the Kink and Fetish Social Network

What Is FetLife? A Review of the Kink and Fetish Social Network

As an avid user of FetLife for over a decade, I have witnessed the evolution of this alternative social network firsthand. FetLife brands itself as “a kinky Facebook” – a place for those interested in BDSM, fetishism and other sexual subcultures to connect.

FetLife began in 2008 as a small community to discuss kink-related topics, but has since grown into a massive network with over 8 million members. On FetLife, you can:

  • Create a profile to share photos, blogs, videos and status updates. Build connections with like-minded kinksters.
  • Join groups to discuss specific kinks, locations or events. There are groups for everything from puppy play to cigar aficionados. These groups allow you to connect with niches within the community.
  • Find local events like munches, play parties, conventions and meetups. FetLife has become essential for promoting and organizing in-person events.
  • Buy and sell gear through the FetLife marketplace. Everything from custom pet gear to suspension equipment is available.

While FetLife aims to be an inclusive space for education and community building, the large size and loose regulations of the network have allowed for issues around consent, privacy and online abuse. FetLife has received criticism for not properly handling reports of criminal behavior like distribution of nonconsensual photography or connections made for the purpose of human trafficking.

Overall, FetLife provides an important platform for education and connection within the kink community. However, users should exercise caution, as with any social network, to avoid issues of consent violation or abuse. FetLife continues working to build a safer space, but ultimately, our community depends on the responsible, ethical behavior of its members.

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The Pros of Using FetLife – Connecting the Kink Community

As an active member of FetLife for over five years, I have found the website invaluable for connecting with like-minded kinksters. ###The Pros of Using FetLife

FetLife provides a safe space for people interested in BDSM, fetishism and kink to learn, explore and share their interests. With over 8 million members worldwide, users can connect with people locally or internationally.

The groups feature allows you to find your niche within the community. There are groups for every kink, role, identity and interest. You can join discussions, ask questions, share experiences and make new friends. FetLife groups have allowed me to discover new interests and connect with mentors.

FetLife also has a robust events calendar to help you find local munches, play parties, workshops and conferences. Attending in-person events is a great way to practice your skills, observe demonstrations, take workshops and connect face-to-face with people you’ve met online. I’ve made many friends by attending my local munch and play spaces.

For those new to kink, FetLife provides a wealth of resources to help you learn. You can find educational groups, read blogs and watch tutorial videos on everything from rope bondage to impact play. Seasoned kinksters generously share their knowledge and skills to help new members enter the community prepared and confident.

While FetLife does have its drawbacks, the ability to learn, connect and build community with like-minded kinksters from around the world makes it an invaluable resource for anyone interested in BDSM, fetish and alternative sexuality. With an open mind and a spirit of exploration, FetLife can open you up to a whole new world of possibilities.

The Cons and Controversies of FetLife: FetLife Murders and Arrests

As with any online community, FetLife has a dark side that users should be aware of before joining. There have been several controversial incidents and crimes linked to the site that prospective members should consider.

FetLife Murders and Arrests

Over the years, there have been a number of tragic deaths connected to FetLife. In 2013, a Canadian man murdered his wife after meeting a woman on FetLife. In 2016, a Michigan man was sentenced to life in prison for killing a woman he met on the site. Most recently, in 2019, an Englishman was jailed for murdering a woman shortly after connecting on FetLife.

While FetLife cannot directly control how members behave in person, some argue they could do more to prevent predators from using the site to find victims. FetLife’s policy is that they do not conduct background checks on members or take responsibility for how people interact off the site. Critics argue this hands-off approach facilitates abuse and puts users at risk.

In addition to violent crimes, FetLife has also been linked to other unethical acts like coercion, manipulation, and violation of consent. There have been members accused of using FetLife to drug, rape, exploit and blackmail other users. Law enforcement have conducted various sting operations on FetLife, resulting in arrests for underage sex crimes, bestiality, and human trafficking.

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The site’s liberal policies around explicit content and anonymity also make it an easy target for trolls, bullies, and online harassment. Some female members report receiving unsolicited explicit images, abusive messages, and even violent threats from male users. While moderators do remove reported content that violates FetLife’s policies, critics argue they do not do enough to curb harassment.

In summary, while FetLife aims to provide a safe space for kinksters and fetishists to connect, the site’s loose policies and anonymity also enable unethical behavior. Users, especially female members, need to exercise extreme caution when interacting on the site to avoid dangerous situations. For some, the risks of using FetLife may outweigh the benefits.

Is FetLife Safe? Tips for Using the App and Website Cautiously

As with any website or app, it’s important to exercise caution when using FetLife. While many members have positive experiences connecting with like-minded individuals, there are risks to be aware of.

Be wary of scammers and catfish

Unfortunately, some people create fake profiles to scam or deceive other members. Be suspicious of profiles with little detail, no photos, or that seem too good to be true. Never send money or gifts to someone you haven’t met in person. Trust your instincts—if something feels off, it probably is.

Keep personal details private

Only share personal details, photos, or videos with people you trust. Be mindful of what details could be seen by all members. You never know how that information might be used in the future. Consider using a pseudonym and avoid linking other social media accounts to your profile.

Meet safely

If meeting another member in person, exercise extreme caution. Tell a friend where you’re going and who you’re meeting, meet in a public place, and consider bringing a friend along. Be wary of requests to meet at a private residence. Never leave a drink unattended, as there is a risk of drink spiking. Trust your instincts—don’t feel obligated to engage in any activity you’re uncomfortable with. Your safety should be the top priority.

Report suspicious behavior

If you encounter suspicious profiles, spam, scams or concerning behavior, report it to FetLife administrators right away. By working together as a community to flag issues, we can help reduce risks for other members. FetLife aims to promote a safe space for open exploration of sexuality and cannot do so without the responsible participation of its members.

Using discretion and common sense, FetLife can be a place for positive connections and learning. However, it’s always important to put your safety, privacy and well-being first—both online and in the real world. Approach FetLife, as with any website or community, with an open yet cautious and vigilant mindset.

The Future of FetLife: Can It Overcome Its Reputation and Grow?

The future of FetLife is uncertain given its notorious reputation and history of enabling predatory behavior. However, the site still has an opportunity to make necessary changes, overcome public perception issues, and build a safer community.

To start, FetLife must overhaul its policies and enforcement mechanisms to prevent abusive behavior. Currently, the site relies largely on user reports to identify violations, but this reactive approach is insufficient. Implementing more proactive moderation with a dedicated team to monitor activity and watch for concerning behavior could help curb issues like harassment before they escalate. Stronger verification procedures, temporary or permanent bans for repeat offenders, and cooperation with law enforcement on criminal matters are also needed.

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FetLife should also make basic changes to its platform and interface to discourage abuse. Additional privacy controls, limits on unsolicited messages, and removing features like virtual gifts that enable grooming behaviors would make the site less appealing for predators. Redesigning the site to be less focused on profiles and more centered around community discussions and events may help shift the culture to be more inclusive and supportive.

To overcome its poor reputation, FetLife must be transparent about issues on the platform and steps being taken to address them. Public statements acknowledging past failures, reporting statistics on policy violations and enforcement actions, and updates on new safety features would demonstrate a commitment to positive change. The site could also work with advocacy organizations to conduct an independent audit of policies and procedures, then implement recommended best practices.

With time and continued progress, FetLife has a chance to rebuild trust and become a welcoming place for the kink community. But this will require sincere effort and a dedication to prevent abuse above all else. The site’s leaders must choose between enabling predators or protecting users—there is no middle ground. The future remains unclear, but the opportunity for reform is there if FetLife chooses to take it.

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Though FetLife has connected many members of the BDSM community and allowed them to openly explore their interests, the platform is not without risks. The anonymity it affords has enabled dangerous individuals to prey upon vulnerable users. My exploration of FetLife revealed a disturbing underbelly and a number of tragic cases that serve as a sobering warning. While the site has value as a network for education and community building, users should exercise extreme caution. Always meet in public first, tell a trusted friend about your plans, and listen to your instincts. If something feels off, it likely is. Your safety is more important than any date or play session. Though FetLife aims to facilitate open exploration of sexuality, that freedom comes with responsibilities – to yourself and your partners. Tread carefully, watch out for each other, and never forget that there are predators lurking in the shadows. Your life could depend on it.

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